hair fiasco; cooking; no energy today

Yesterday, I had my hair cut and blow dryed straight. My hair is normally wavy. So I thought it would be interesting to see how it looked if the hairstylist tried to straighten it. She did such a good job. She said that her hairdryer was a special ionic dryer that she can order for clients but it costs $200. I didn't order one! But I loved how my hair looked and felt. It was really straight and felt like silk.

Last night, my husband was amazed at my hair. He said it looked "really different" which is his way of saying he likes it. But then he made me laugh because this morning, when he saw it was still straight, he asked, "How much longer till it frizzes out?"

I guess the answer was "Not much longer" because I washed it and tried to dry it the same way with a hairdryer my mom gave me that is ionic too. But I evidently didn't do something right because I ended up with a caveman hairdo. Too funny!

I guess I'll go back to "wash and go" style. My hair looks the healthiest when I don't blow dry it. I have a lot of wave to my hair, so it kinda does look "styled".

Today I am feeling so fatigued! I don't know why! I don't think I'll be able to take my daily walk anyhow because I have to cook some special food for an event I will attend tomorrow. But I would be tempted to stay home even if I had nothing to do. I just don't feel very energetic right now. I am wondering why. I know my diet has not been perfect the last couple of days, but it's pretty darn good. I am still eating all whole foods, and I am being careful to not eat too much at one time.

I guess I'll just drink more coffee and alternate with water, and hope that the cool evening air will perk me up.

Back to cooking...(I'm making stuffed mushrooms and a brown rice salad. Yummy!)

p.s. I am listening to Sweet today, the last 3 albums. Thanks E.!!!

a low moment

I'm feeling sad right now. I can't do anything right. the end.

Sweet lifts me up when I am down

It's strange how people can have such different ideas about the same thing. I love Sweet. Their music is very upbeat, energizing, and joyful to me. (I know some of their lyrics can be morbid at times, but for the most part, to me this music gets me in a good mood and makes me feel alive).

My husband walked in to the kitchen this morning, and I happened to be listening to a Sweet youtube video. I commented to him that I am not feeling well today, and he said, "It must be all that depressing music you listen to." I was like HUH? So I have a policy if my music is distasteful to him, I won't subject him to it. I just turn it off. He's not home for most of the day anyhow. So I can blast my music after he's gone. But it was still kinda weird to me how he could think that Sweet is depressing. I love Sweet!

some sayings that made me smile

Usually I hate these type of things, but I read this on the internet and it had some good ones (I'll put the good ones in bold font):

Here are some great ways of dealingwith the burdens of life:

* Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

* Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

* Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

* Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.

* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, It was probably worth it.

* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply be kind to others.

* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

* Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

* Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

* The second mouse gets the cheese.

* When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

* You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

* Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.

* We could learn a lot from crayons... Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

*A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Have an awesome day and know that someone has thought about you today...I did.

boring day

I took a brisk walk today and listened to the songs that I had not heard yeat on "Cut Above The Rest" and "Identity Crisis". Very cool records. I love 'em. I am glad they went on to make so much music. Was it really 10 years? Do they still make money off the sale of their old music on CD?

I'm so dead beat tonight. Dead tired. I walked and walked and then played with daughter on the local playground. Had a funny conversation with one of the dads there with his 2 kids. He's a nice man. Second time I have seen him.

Nothing much else to add about the day. I saw a squirrel run across the rooftop of the building next to me. That's about as exciting as my day got. Also, all my friends and loved ones called me on the phone right before I was on my way out the door to exercise. It was as if everyone and everything was tempting me to just stay home. But I said "No, I gotta go walk now" and kept hanging up the phone.

I also realized that my husband is going to be on vacation when Steve Priest is performing. Now I have a dilemma because if I go to the gig, then I'll be leaving my honey at home. He doesn't like Sweet and doesn't want to go. He's not against me going. But I was thinking about what matters most to me: My husband or seeing a favorite band. Do I want to go without him? I'm just not sure if I want to go now. I guess I need to talk to my brother and see if he bought the tickets yet. If he didn't, then maybe I won't go. It seems a shame, but the timing is really strange because my husband rarely has vacation and so he's usually working on a Friday night.

Sweet is way cool!

Um yeah, Sweet is way cool. I actually wrote a long message here and now it vanished due to a computer glitch. I guess it was mean to be!!!

today: cleaning kitchen & listening to Sweet

Today, a workman came over to my apartment to fix the doorbell. He had to come in to the kitchen to install a new chime box. I was sooooooo embarrassed because my kitchen has turned in to an outpost of hell! I have turned my kitchen table and my computer desk in to storage dump sites. And I got behind on the dishes a few days, so it looked not only cluttered but also dirty. *hangs head in shame*

I think I'll distract myself from my existential pain by posting a stupid question on thesweet.com! Nothing like acting like an idiot to entertain myself!

Ok, I made a couple airbrained comments. So what. It's all fun. I love the band and I am enraptured with their songs, which are all new to me as I listen to them for the first time. Every day, I find new songs that I love. The band that just keeps giving more and more gold.

Now I am back to working on my kitchen. I have to somehow get rid of the clutter. It looks crazy!!!!

April is "Make Love Month"?

I just got a spam message with the subject line, "April is Make Love Month". I wonder if that really is true? I doubt it. But I thought it was funny, nonetheless. Yay! It's April! Make Love!*

*You should be married first and also be in good health for procreative activities.

Water's Edge

Thanks to a friend, I am able to listen to "Water's Edge". Wow! These guys rocked till the very end, didn't they? I think they were still producing great albums, even though they didn't have Brian anymore. And I am personally glad to get the chance to hear songs with Steve and Andy and Mick on lead vocals. There is a whole new feeling that comes through. Although, I have to say: I love Brian's voice.

There is so much to enjoy from these guys. My biggest gripe at the moment is that this album is not available on CD. Bummer! It was available at one time, but not now. I guess I'd be pretty lucky to find a used copy of this CD, right? But that's ok. I have the ability to hear the songs and spend the time with them.

thesweet.com forums are down at the moment. I guess it's good because I'd just be posting there some silly question such as "What is the weird head on the 'Identity Crisis' album?"

some thoughts on music in my life

What a wonderful day! I couldn't stop smiling this evening. I felt so content! Some good things happened today.

It all involves music. Why is music such a balm to the soul? If you are feeling down, music can lift your spirits. If you are happy, music goes with your good feelings. If you are troubled, music can be a comfort. I'm not saying music is everything. Maybe I am exagerrating. But I feel like music comes along with you during all the different times in your life. People have been doing music from the beginning of time. It is a gift, that's for sure.

Right now, I am in a battle for my health and my way of life. I have been struggling with illness for a few months, and I got so scared that I might lose everything. Music joined with me to affirm my life and to lift my mood and increase my energy. I can't say how fun it has been to get some exercise while listening to 'The Sweet'. Upbeat happy music (well, at least some of it!) has been helpful. I'm seriously considering buying some more music, although money is tight, as usual.

I have always wanted to be able to play the guitar. I'm promising myself right now that I am going to get some lessons and learn some songs so that I can sing and play the guitar for myself. I don't care how I sound. I'm not going to play in front of anyone. I just want to be able to comfort myself with some songs. I have this really nice beginners guitar that has a lot of vibration in the body when you play it. It will be so nice to hold my guitar against my body and get that vibration going. (FYI: breedlove atlas series). I need to stop procrastinating. I mean, I can goof around with my guitar starting tomorrow. But then I can look for some lessons that will keep me interested. I know a guy at my church who might teach me for a reasonable fee.

Tonight, I ate something kinda unhealthy, for the first time in a few weeks. My husband wanted to get hamburgers, and at first I was just going to go along with him and watch him eat. But then I realized I was hungry and could have a meal at that time. So I had a plain hamburger (no cheese, no mayonnaise) with french fries and a diet coke. It's not the worst thing you can eat. But it's still got a lot of fat in it. I have been feeling so much better since I got the fat out of my diet. So tomorrow, I will get back to eating healthy foods. Tonight, I will go sleep and dream. Hopefully I have good dreams for a change! Last night, I dreamt that I visited my sister-in-law after she gave birth to my neice, and I got in a huge argument with the nurse about how they were treating my SIL. I must be having anxiety about the idea of having another child.

more love and dreams for vacation

Today my husband saw me typing something so he stopped to see what I was writing. When he realized that I was writing about Steve Priest, he said, "You are always writing about Sweet. You never write about me." And I was so overjoyed to be able to say, "no no, not at all true. I have been writing a lot about you lately." So then he listened as I read the last 2 entries I have made about him in this blog. He seemed deeply impressed that I was thinking about him so deeply and passionately.

Of course, we spent the day taking care of the young one. But tonight, I hope that we can cozy up together and watch a favorite movie or something, just the 2 of us.

I hope that tonight, we can take a long walk. I want to go walkingwhen it's cooling off, around 7 p.m. It's such a great time of day to get outside and stroll about. I'm really enjoying this new "health kick" I am on, mainly because it is so uncharacteristic of me. I have always been very sedentary. I don't think I have been active since I was a little kid, before puberty. I've been lazy ever since puberty, basically. But I see that it's not so hard to get active. You just have to take it slow and work every day to go a little further. It's hard to dislike walking when it's so beautiful outside.

I should be in good shape for a vacation in 2 or 3 months. I would like to drive up the coast, along the Pacific Coast Highway. I'd stop for lunch in Cambria. Then camp in Big Sur one or 2 nights. Then I would go to Monterey and visit the aquarium, perhaps sight see. Then I would go to Santa Cruz for a night or 2, and ride the narrow gauge train from the beach to the Red wood forests. Then i'd drive back home in one day on the 5 freeway. It would be SUPER fun! But I am thinking perhaps my husband would rather take it easy and stay local during our vacation time.

Oh well. It's fun to think about. So I don't really care either way as long as I get to spend time with him. Because I really really love him so much.

do not adjust your television set...

I was thinking today about how I always have this feeling like I don't belong anywhere and I don't fit in well with any group of people. I always like people a lot and want to get along. But then something in me starts whispering, "You're a rolling stone, with no direction home, like a complete unknown..." to quote Bob Dylan badly.

It's just a feeling. But I do feel profoundly alienated at times. If it weren't for having family (no matter the arguments and bad feelings at times), I would have no sense of belonging at all. I don't feel completely accepted by family. I have troubled relationships with some of my family members, but for the most part, we accept each other, warts and all. There is a comforting consistency in the relationship, even in the dysfunctional behaviors.

Today I was at a local park and I had a realization. I live in an ethnic neighborhood. I sometimes hear people say bad things about the immigrant class that lives here. But I realized that the reason people hate immigrants is because they have a sense of community and we "Americans" don't, for the most part. We can't stand that they make an effort to live near each other and that they congregate together, and they shop at their little hole in the wall stores. They talk to each other. They have their elderly parents living with the adult children, and I see the grand parents bringing the grand kids to the park. They seem to know each other. It's really cool, actually.

I will never experience that in my life...that is unless I joined a hardcore religious society or cult. So I think that explains to some degree my feeling of being in a no man's land, or being lost somewhere without a clue as to how to get back where I belong. Where do I belong? I have a neighborhood that I grew up in, but I can't afford to live there anymore. I can visit my mom and dad from time to time, but they have made it clear that I am not welcome to ever move back in. I admit to sometimes having fantasies that I can move back home and live in my old bedroom. But I can't turn back time. I can't go back. My past is dead to me and I have to move forward without a clear sense of direction or destination. I move from one place to another, seeking something better and finding new problems wherever I go. It's a weird feeling.

I'm not saying my life is horrible. It's just puzzling. My life is worse than mysterious, it is a conundrum. I'm comfortable with not knowing exactly why things happen the way they do. I think that is because I have faith in the supreme intelligence and goodness of God. But I don't expect any hints or leadings. I just find that life continues on with a sense of my not having a clue as to why things happen the way they do.

They say that when you are at the end of your life, things make sense as you look back over the whole lifetime of events. But is that really true? Don't a lot of people get rather confused and senile when the reach the upper numbers of their lifespan?

Ok, I'm just in a creepy, outer limits sort of mood. I think I will watch some outer limits tonight! Now that makes good sense!

How does it feel?
How does it feel,
To be on your own,
With no direction home,
Like a complete unknown,
Like a rolling stone?

loving him so much

Once again, my husband touched my soul. I love him so much. I want us to live forever so we can be together always. I am getting such a feeling of warmth in my chest when I think about how much I adore him. I'm so grateful for him. He was sent. I know.

I've been trying to figure out a way to get away with him, maybe on a weekend trip. It doesn't look like we can make the time for it. Money is tight, always. So I need to figure out an inexpensive trip. I'm thinking either camping or perhaps getting the keys to my parent's house in the mountains. I just want to spend time with him alone. It is hard when you have a child because everything revolves around the little one.

Today's lunch was awesome. I made a salad out of brown rice, black beans, garbanzo beans, yellow corn kernals, green onion, and mixed veggies with fat free italian dressing, salsa, and a little olive oil. I ate some on a bed of romaine lettuce. I eat this and hope and pray that I get better. Healthy food really is very good once you get in to the habit of eating it. It's as if you have to clear your palate of sugar and salt and high fat food. Then you can appreciate the taste of good natural food. I haven't had any symptoms for a couple of weeks, so I am hoping that my illness was just "one of those things". I am going to see another doctor on Monday to rule out a few things and get more tests.

I'm so excited that Steve Priest is playing again. I've run across this cool dude on youtube who has a lot of the later Sweet albums with Steve singing the songs. I really do like them. I wonder if there is anyone who would be willing to sell me some CD's or at least make some tapes for me. I'll have to ask on thesweet.com but I have to wait until I am ready to actually send some money or something.

love love love

My husband is so amazing to me. It's like he was made, just for me. Tonight he really took me by surprise. He listens to me. He's gentle. He's really into me. He makes me feel beautiful. I have a lot to be thankful for. He is quite a man.

feeling better and enjoying some fun times

I have been really busy lately with taking care of myself. I am on a special diet to manage my health problems. It's basically a very low fat diet of all whole foods. It takes a lot of planning, preparation and clean up. Because when you cook, you dirty a ton of dishes. And I'm cooking sometimes 3 times a day for each meal! I'm going to try to get organized and cook in bulk on the weekend. Then I can freeze stuff and cook less during the week.

I'm also taking a lot of exercise, because even though I know I am sick, I am feeling pretty darn good. I figure that if I have the energy, I should exercise.

My doctor suggested that perhaps I had a gall stone and I passed it. So that might explain why I am doing better now. If I did...the sucker was the size of a golf ball to make me so sick!

I hope that I can just put all that bad stuff behind me, and move forward. The spring is absolutely glorious in Southern California right now. I took my daughter on a long walk and then to the park for an hour. We were having the time of our lives. It's funny how you enjoy the simplest things after an illness.

Tomorrow I am going to the zoo, either in the morning or perhaps in the late afternoon. It should be fun, as usual.

Now I need to go do some dishes again! I'll put on my yellow rubber gloves, crank up some Sweet, and do a Brian Connolly impression (pointing, hand on hip, etc.) I hope to actually get some dishes done too!

a very strange dream about Steve Priest

I almost hate to write about this because it's kinda strange to me...ok maybe a little embarrassing. But in the wee hours of the morning, I had a dream that I was Steve Priest's girlfriend and I was moving in with him. He was probably twice my age, but he looked like how he did back in the seventies. So, that made me about 13? 15? I looked almost like a little girl, how girls look at about age 12 or 13. That was odd to me when I woke up.

But then the rest of the dream just got stranger. We had met and hit it off, so he brought me home with him on an impulse (like "Hey, be my woman!" caveman kinda thing), but then he wasn't that nice to me. As soon as the door shut behind us, he just said something like, "Hate to do this, babe. But I'm busy. Gotta work. See ya later!" and then he just turned around and left me in his house. I was thinking that it sucked since he could have at least kissed me goodbye or promised to meet me later to spend time together. But no, it was like "See ya! I'm busy!" I felt so let down. It was the complete opposite of romance.

I always think that dreams have more to do with how you are feeling inside, and not about anything external. So I wonder if this relates to the way I am feeling about myself right now.

I just realized there are song's off the "Water's Edge" album (or known as "VI"), sung by Steve Priest, that go well with my dream:
"Getting in the Mood for Love"
"Give the Lady Some Respect"

But there is no song on the album called "I'm a workaholic and have no time for my woman". lol

It's weird that there are Sweet songs that could be the soundtrack for my dream. Was I channeling the "Water's Edge" album?

just boring-ness here...still sick, finding ways to enjoy myself

I'm feeling much better, but I did end up having to go to the emergency room about a week and half ago. I had chills, fever and nausea for over 24 hours. It sucked to have to sit in the ER waiting room for over 6 hours to be seen by doctor's who could not figure out what is wrong with me. That was the 4th attack I have had in the past 2 months.

Boring boring boring.

On the positive side: My brother said he would be willing to go see Steve Priest Sweet with me!

I'm actually feeling pretty good these days, eating only pure, whole foods and taking walks in the morning. I'm going to become a diehard health nut, after all the health related problems.

I recently bought some new video games that are kicking my butt. I know it's childish to play video games...but I need something to get my mind off all my problems. I tend to like escapist hobbies, such as reading, playing video games, and browsing the internet for hours. Things you can get lost in are the best.

I'm going to get my hair cut soon, and I am going to try dyeing it at home. Nothing too shocking. Just a way to enhance the natural color and add shine. I want to buy new shoes soon too. I want something different, a little flashy. I'm not sure what I want exactly.

I'm also seriously thinking of buying some old fashioned, chunky wheels rollerskates. I come to find out: they call them "quads" now. How lame. Those stupid inline skates are not real rollerskates. They should call them something else.